Managing stress: calm your body and change how you see it

Managing stress isn't about escaping it. Stress is your body's way of gearing up for something that demands more of you, like a deadline, a difficult conversation or a new job, and it isn't dangerous in itself. What wears you down is when it never gets to end, and when the stress itself becomes something to be stressed about. This article covers what research says about two things you can influence directly: how you see stress and how your body reacts. It also gives you four ways to start and shows how to keep going. How stress connects to self-esteem and your inner state is covered in the guide to inner state.

Why stress management often fails

Most advice about stress is about avoiding it: do less, say no, take it easy. That's great when you can. But a lot of what stresses you can't simply be opted out of. The kids get sick, the project has a deadline, the bill has to be paid. If avoidance is your only tool, you're left with nothing when the stress comes anyway.

The second mistake is reading every surge as a threat. Your heart beats faster, your shoulders tense, your thoughts speed up, and you think this is dangerous, which creates more stress. The stress gets a layer of stress of its own on top.

How you see stress shapes your response

In 2013, Crum, Salovey and Achor studied how people's views of stress affect how they react. Some people see stress mainly as something that wears them down. Others see it as something that can also sharpen them, by increasing focus, giving energy and helping them grow. The researchers showed that this mindset could be measured, and that it could be shifted with short videos about what stress does in the body.

In an experiment where participants were put under pressure, the belief that stress can sharpen you was linked to a moderate rise in the stress hormone cortisol, neither too little nor too much. It was also linked to participants more often wanting feedback on how they were doing. Those who saw stress as purely harmful more often preferred not to know.

That doesn't mean all stress is good, or that you can think away long-term overload. But in the moment, it makes a difference whether you read your racing heart before a presentation as "this is going to go terribly" or as "my body is getting ready."

Your body can be calmed in minutes

The second thing you can influence is your body's reaction. In 2023, Balban and colleagues randomly assigned adults to five minutes of practice a day for a month: one of three breathing exercises, or mindfulness meditation. All the groups felt better, but breathing with an emphasis on the exhale gave the biggest improvement in mood. That technique uses two inhales through the nose and a long exhale through the mouth. The study was small and involved healthy adults, so it's a reason to try, not a promise. You can read more about the breathing exercises in breathing exercises for stress.

Four ways to manage stress

No single approach fits everyone or every situation. Choose based on what your stress looks like.

Breathing. For you if your body revs up in the middle of the day: before a meeting, in traffic, when the kids are fighting. Take two inhales through your nose, the second a short one on top of the first, then one long exhale through your mouth. Repeat for a few minutes. First step: do it for five minutes today, even if you're not stressed, so you know how when you need it.

How you see stress. For you if you notice you're worrying about being stressed. When the surge comes, tell yourself what your body is doing: "my pulse is going up so I can handle this." Then ask what the stress says about what matters to you. First step: before the next thing that stresses you, write one sentence about what your body is doing to help you.

Recovery. For you if your stress never gets to end. Evenings and weekends with the same level of arousal as the workday wear you down more than the workday itself. Recovery isn't just sleep. It's also time free of demands and information, which is what mental recovery is about. First step: pick half an hour tonight without your phone, the news or any obligations, and put it in your calendar.

Remove a source. For you if you want to go further. This is the most demanding path, because it takes a conversation or a decision. Go through what stresses you and find one thing you can actually change: a commitment to drop, a task to share, a boundary to set. First step: write a list of what's stressing you this week and circle one thing you can influence.

How to keep going

Start with one approach and give it two weeks before you add the next. A few times a day, notice how you feel inside, on a simple scale. After a while you'll see which times and situations stress you most, and whether what you're doing is helping. Stress you can see coming is easier to handle than stress that just happens.

Some stress is more than an ordinary rough patch: it lasts for weeks, makes you sleep badly, makes it hard to remember and concentrate, or leaves you without energy for things you can usually manage. If that's what you're dealing with, talk to a doctor or health professional. If it's urgent, call your local emergency number.

A first step today: do the breathing with an emphasized exhale for five minutes, then write down a number from one to ten for how you feel inside.

If work is what stresses you most, the next part of the series is about stress at work.

This is the understanding and a first step. Atlas is where it becomes a habit. Under Inner State you'll find Calm breathing, five calm breaths in time with a circle for when your body revs up. You'll also find Inner weather, where you rate how you feel inside and see the curve over days and weeks. Try Atlas free for 7 days, and cancel whenever you like.